It was 1947. Benny was in the Polish cavalry on the day Hitler’s Germany invaded Poland and was captured; spending the rest of the war in a German prison camp. Everywhere there was starvation, brutality, suffering and death; many of Benny's friends died terrible deaths, a living hell on Earth. For five years and seven months he endured, but lost his faith in God after witnessing the horrors of war. Once an altar boy and faithful Catholic, Benny turned away from God. After the Americans liberated the camp on Easter Sunday 1945, the remnants of the Polish Army regrouped in Italy until the end of the war. At that time Benny’s unit went to England, rather than return to Poland to face the Russian occupation.
Separately, Ivy was living in England with her small daughter Rosemarie, trying to recover from the ravages of war. The Polish community now settling in England held occasional parties to try and cheer up the troops. Ivy attended one such dance, and met Benny. He was charming and polite, and very good looking, but spoke little or no English, but that didn’t seem to matter as they danced. He set out to woo Ivy and her daughter Rosemarie, and won their hearts.
As Leap Year Day approached in 1948, Rosemarie learned of an old custom; women often proposed on this day. This custom propelled Ivy to ask Benny to marry her – which she did! They married in April and began their life together. She helped him find work, where he did well as a design engineer, and eventually he was recruited for a job in Canada, and then in the U.S.
Their marriage was plagued with obstacles and trials. As Benny’s English improved, Ivy realized that he had a lot of trouble getting his head out of the prison camp and was obsessed with the war – angry with the Russians, the Germans, and God. He had no interest in Church (even though he was very excited that the Pope was Polish!). Over the years Ivy worked to change Benny in every aspect, which he bore with fortitude. Arguments notwithstanding, they had a good life, with summers in upstate NY and winters in Florida after his retirement.
As their nineties neared, they moved to Charlotte to live near family, especially their daughter, Rosemarie and her husband Fred (parishioners at St Thomas), as well as their granddaughter and two great-grandchildren. As Ivy began to suffer the effects of age, she became totally dependent on Benny. He was devoted to her, and looked after her night and day. They were inseparable. The love story that began so many years ago began to play out. She could not bear to let him out of her sight for a moment, and he was there for her, even though he was exhausted, he would not give in. Eventually, a caregiver moved in with them, and a care team from St Thomas Aquinas began to visit, which eased the strain of the 24-hour care. Father Stan visited; Ivy was eased by his prayers and Benny began to rethink his atheism.
At the age of 98, Ivy fell and broke her hip and had to be hospitalized, followed by a few weeks in rehab. She missed Benny every moment they were apart. One day she was sitting in a wheelchair near the nurses’ station. At the opposite end of the hall Benny came in the door, and Ivy cried out, “My darling!” and he replied, “My princess!” and hurried as fast as he could to greet her. The nurses were all in tears.
Ivy returned home, but her mind began to deteriorate rapidly; she began to forget many things. But she always knew she had to have her Benny nearby. She became so loving toward him and the two became the epitome of the little old couple in love. By now they were both 98, and her life was waning fast.
On July 23, 2009, Ivy was at the end of her life. Benny lay down next to her and they rubbed noses with affection, she smiled, and took her last breath.
Father Stan came and offered to do a wake service and a funeral Mass for Ivy. In the course of discussing the plans for the service and the Mass, Benny felt moved to return to the Church – after seventy years away. This proved to be a decision that gave him great comfort in the days that followed. Ivy was laid out at home, grandchildren and great grand-children gathered; friends came to visit and to attend her bedside service. Later, she was cremated, and her ashes brought to the Church for a beautiful Mass. Benny cried through it all, and felt God’s love as well as Ivy’s loving presence.
Now, Ivy’s ashes are in Benny’s care and he talks and prays for Ivy every day. When Benny is ready they will be interred together. The St. Thomas Care Team continues to visit Benny always giving him the opportunity to tell his story. He thinks they are all wonderful, and says that during the two hours or so that each Care Team member visits him he forgets his pain, his grief and his troubles. He is in Church every Sunday, where he often cries, but feels close to God and also to Ivy. Benny had not experienced the changes in the Mass instituted since Vatican II, and was confused for a while. He would say, “In Poland, the Mass is in Latin, and the priest faces the Altar.” It had to be explained that this has changed in Poland, too! He loves going to Church, and now he thinks the new way of doing things is wonderful. When he approaches the Church he announces with great pride, “This is my Church!” He receives Communion with great reverence.
It is a mystery, how life evolves. There are times in every marriage when conflict sheds doubt and discord, yet for Benny and Ivy at the end of life, it all settled so beautifully. Now that he has invited God into his life again, Benny has found peace. Although he misses Ivy daily, he looks forward to joining her in Heaven, where he is certain she is waiting, impatiently.